The nastiest terminal in the world

This distinction used to belong to the Delta Shuttle terminal at Logan Airport in Boston. But, Logan finally reopened A Terminal as the Delta spot, and it is quite nice. Now that the Delta Shuttle has received a facelift in Boston, it’s New York location wins top honors as nastiest terminal in the world. Marine Air (also known as Terminal A) services the Delta Shuttle to Boston, Washington, D.C. and Chicago. I think there is another low-rent airline in there, but I can’t remember. Doesn’t matter. Marine Air Terminal is a fucking dump.

But, let’s not dwell on the negative. Unlike the old Boston digs for the Delta Shuttle, you don’t have to go through security to hit a bathroom. Coffee is freely available on weekday mornings (and tastes like shit– both counts true in the old Boston terminal), several free newspapers and magazines are offered. But, the closest thing to even fast food is a cafeteria-style sit-down place … outside the security checkpoint. Inside, there is some prepared fare, but I wouldn’t go near it. A regular-sized candy bar will set you back more than $2.

It really is a sad state of affairs.

I mean, just take a look at this insanity. You are supposed to navigate this maze in order to grab a taxi or find your towncar– both of which jockey with regular-people-cars who are suckered into dropping off or picking up. It’s insanity. I hate all airports, but this is just obscene. It’s like taking an airport and giving control to Greyhound. Disgraceful.

Back in New York

Well, I can now say I’ve had a problem-free trip on Delta! I took the shuttle home from Washington, D.C. this afternoon, and I had no trouble at all. The plane left on time. It landed on time. They were perfectly pleasant. Nothing was screwed up. The plane even seemed to have a bit more space than most others. So, I’m not above giving props where they are due.

So, as a thanks to Delta for not fucking up, I’m giving them some free space on the Wandering Blogger and letting the world know that the Delta Shuttle may be the easiest way to travel between New York and Washington, D.C.

And, I’m even going to give Delta an extra link.

Book your next flight on the Delta Shuttle >>

Headed Back to DC

I’m back in our nation’s capital, after only a few months. I went down in early May to interview Adam & Eve founder Phil Harvey—it was part of my ongoing effort to finish a Doctor of Business Administration degree. This time, the trip is purely recreational. I’m going to check out the pandas at the National Zoo, check out a new hotel and grab a few decent dinners. After the recent grind at day job, it’s nice to get away for a few days.

 

The Delta Shuttle has been … well … about as good as it can be. We were late getting out of LaGuardia—big surprise. But, we’re in the air as I type this, and everything seems to be running smoothly. The snack service has been surprisingly good. Pepperidge Farm must have paid a fortune for the privilege. Honestly, even the coffee’s not bad.

 

Maybe it’s just the Delta Shuttle to Boston that sucks. Hey, consider where it lands.

 

I used to go to Boston a few times a year for short getaways like this, but I’ve grown tired of that dump. I learned growing up there that the people are assholes with little on their minds aside from baseball (which bores me to fucking tears). Finally, I’ve decided that that second city won’t be on my itinerary for a while. For me, DC is the new Boston.

 

Last time, I stayed at two Hiltons (great deals on Hotwire.com). We’ve put Hotwire to work again for this trip—the Hotel Helix will be home for two nights. I’ll let you know how it goes. For now, check out my reviews of Hilton Washington and Capital Hilton on TripAdvisor.

 

Read about the Hilton Washington on TripAdvisor>>

 

Read about the Capital Hilton on TripAdvisor>>

 

Rules for Air Travelers

If you don’t fly often, you probably feel a bit uncomfortable in an airport. It’s crowded, has plenty of moving parts and offers many ways for you to screw up. Odds are you’ll ask for help at the wrong place or time, delaying hundreds of people who know what they are doing. So, to keep you from punishing people for your own ignorance or stupidity, I’ve decided to give you a set of idiot-proof rules for behavior. Follow them, and you’ll do just fine.

1. Find someone who knows what he’s doing; imitate him

Look for a person carrying a laptop or wearing a suit. He or she is probably a consultant, attorney or investment banker … and frequent traveler. This person is your new role model. Take off your shoes, fetch your boarding pass, etc. when this person does. You’ll be in good shape.

2. Pack less

If you can’t carry it all yourself, you shouldn’t make us suffer. Your burden is your problem, not mine. If you can’t carry it, you don’t need it. If you need it, you shouldn’t leave home.

3. Shut your kids up

To you, your kids are a blessing. To me, they are Satan’s representatives of assholia on Earth. When your kids cry, you see they are upset. When your kids cry, my wife sees that I’m upset. Do whatever it takes to shut them up.

Now, some people believe that children should learn that they can’t always get what they want. And, if they have to cry, you should let them. Here’s the problem with that approach. I really don’t give a shit about your kids. I have so little at stake in how they are raised that I can’t conceive of caring. So, conduct the life lessons on your own time and at home. Not my problem.

Coming home from Paris a couple of years ago, some woman’s son was crying on the plane. She started to breastfeed him at her seat. Normally, I’m not a big fan of this, but it shut her id’s mouth. I applaud her. Her other kid (probably three or four years old) then started to cry. All I could think was, “Hey, you have another one. Use it.” Thankfully, I said nothing.

This is actually tucked away on a discount European airline's servers

4. Think ahead

 

Don’t wait until you are at security to take your laptop out of your carry-on. If there is a line to get through security– and there usually is– use this time wisely. I do the following while waiting in line: (1) take laptop out of bag, (2) take off my shoes, (3) slide my license or passport and boarding pass under one of my shoes (between the show and the laptop, held by my side) and (4) put any metal (such as my blackberry and cigar cutter) into the small pocket on the front of my backpack. By the time I get to the x-ray machine, all I have to do is toss my stuff on the conveyor belt. It saves plenty of time– for me and those around me.

Do it my way.

5. Use time in line effectively

Long line at Sbarro? Lots of people want to go to Starbucks? Use this to your advantage– and mine. read the fucking menu while you’re in line. There is no excuse for standing around for 20 minutes before getting to the cash register and saying, “I’m not sure …” No fucking excuse. This is an extension of the security concept above, but my audience for this probably can’t see the connection without a little help.

6. Don’t negotiate

Oversold means oversold. No amount of charisma or belligerence will change this fact. Don’t make me wait because you got screwed. When that happens, you turn one problem into several. See, you have the problem that causes you to bitch at the customer service rep. But, you cause a problem for everyone else who is waiting in line behind you. We have to wait, while you negotiate for something that doesn’t exist. So, shut up, and move on.

Now, you may view yourself as something of a freedom fighter. You’re taking on the incompetent airline on behalf of all of us, and we should appreciate your efforts. Right? Bullshit. You look like a fucking retard when you fight with the inept. You don’t inspire respect; you inspire rage. When you beg, negotiate or fight on my time, all you do is direct my anger from the airline to you. I don’t think I’m alone on this one.

The last time I flew, a Delta flight to West Palm Beach was canceled, so all those poor slobs tried to get on my flight to Ft Lauderdale. But, my flight was already oversold. So, to tose morons who waited in line for more than half an hour, I ask, just what the fuck did you hope to accomplish? Did you really think you’d get me bumped? Seriously, don’t be fucking stupid.

7. When you get mad, ou look stupid (a corollary of the above)

In your head, it feels like righteous indignation. On your face, it reads, “Call me Jeffrey Dahmer.” When you yell at a customer service rep, you look like a psycho. You may be right, but you’ll get no sympathy from anybody.

8. Don’t expect service

You’re in an airport, dealing with an airline. I don’t care if you’re super-fly-triple-platinum-guy, you will be treated like shit. And, the more you fly, the greater the odds of your likely shitty treatment. This is the only business in which a company’s best customers routinely get fucked (except porn).

I lived this. I’ve held a lot of travel-heavy jobs, but 2002 stands out for me. From January through June, I racked up more than 90,000 base miles on Northwest. If I hadn’t effectively moved from Boston to Omaha for the balance of the year, it would have been close to 200,000. This is strictly miles flown– no bonuses or any shit like that. I spent a lot of cash on flights (and billed it to my clients!!!), but I ultimately chose which airline to fly. Yet, Northwest did not treat me like a prince. They didn’t even shoot me a smile when all the other scum got scowls. Yeah, money well spent.

Final Thoughts

Look, I could keep going, but you already have plenty to work on. If you can master these eight simple rules, you’ll graduate from disastrous scumbag to mild pain in the ass. Everyone will be happier; trust me.

Check out Montreal

My latest TraderDaily.com travel article has been posted. I had an absolute blast when I was up there last month, and I look forward to going again soon.

J’aime la Montreal!

So, take a look at the article on traveling to Montreal, then book a quick trip up there. If you’re in Boston or New York, Montreal isn’t too far up north.

While you’re up there, go grab a hot dog. They have decent dogs at the pool hall (there aren’t any pool tables there any more, just hot dogs) on St Denis. That’s exactly what I’m doing in the picture.

With fall coming, you probably think it will be cold as hell up there. You’d be absolutely wrong. Don’t think; let me do that for you. It’s beautiful up there well into October and probably into November. The air is nice and crisp.

Read about Montreal on TraderDaily.com >>

I Hate to Fly

This isn’t a fear issue. I’ve never been afraid to fly, and I’ve spent more time on planes at my tender age than most people will in their entire lives. I’ve had super-duper-elite-medallion-preferred status on several airlines at the same time. But, for some reason, I have not gotten used to what flying entails.

I made it to LaGuardia airport an hour before my flight, already pissed because I was under the gun for a day job deadline. I was starving and dropped my pizza on the floor. Of course, I screamed an obscenity, though it was my own fucking fault. Just a reference point– this is the type of mood I was in.

Well, I guess I still haven’t learned that everyone working in an airport is fucking inept. Quadruple espresso: how fucking hard is that? But, I get it. This is to were the folks who will cure cancer someday wind up. I’m coming to accept this.

I have particular hatred for infrequent travelers. Though I’m no longer on the road 40+ weeks a year(how I hated those days …), I do still get to an airport almost monthly, and I’ve been a pretty frequent traveler for more than a decade. My point: I know how to behave in an airport. These other dimwits don’t. It drives me out of my fucking mind to see them fuck everything up (like not taking laptops out of bags until at the x-ray machine.

If you can’t, read signs and follow instructions, you belong on a fucking bus.

JetBlue’s “Customer Bill of Rights” Is Bullshit

JetBlue has a ”Customer Bill of Rights“. According to this policy, I was entitled to:

INFORMATION

JetBlue will notify customers of the following:
Delays prior to scheduled departure
Cancellations and their cause
Diversions and their cause

Yet, somehow I was not notified. Wait, that’s not true. I was notified upon arrival at the airport. Somehow, I suspect this is not how the Customer Bill of Rights was meant to be interpreted. Of course, JetBlue is a bullshit airline. I submitted a complaint to them; I’ll let you know how it goes.

The Wandering Blogger’s “Do Not Fly” List

If the Department of Homeland Security can have a “Do Not Fly” list, then damn it, so can I. If you like to be enraged, consider flying JetBlue. Also, I suggest avoiding the Delta Shuttle if you want to get to Boston or Washington, D.C. anywhere close to on time. Instead, take the Amtrak Acela Express. The price is about the same (sometimes a little cheaper), and door-to-door, it’s faster even when the Delta Shuttle is on time. If you want to save some bucks or have a little extra time on your hands, the Amtrak regional train is a good choice.

I Hate JetBlue

“Happy jetting,” my ass. i am not doing any “jetting” this evening. Know why? I’ll tell you why. JetBlue sucks. Big time.

Let me say this once and for the record: I hate JetBlue. I hate JetBlue with a passion. First, they left me stuck on the runway for more than an hour when I left JFK on Friday. It’s bad, but the reality of flying JetBlue. Let’s not forget that these fucks left passengers stuck in a plane on the runway for around 10 hours last year.

Well, they somehow canceled my flight to JFK this afternoon … without bothering to tell me. I showed up at the airport; the asshole behind the counter just told me that JetBlue was booked solid into JFK until Tuesday and had no way to get me near New York today. “Well,” I asked, “can you get me into LaGuardia tomorrow? Newark?” No to the former, yes to the latter. But, he didn’t even fucking offer! I had to drag it out of him!

In the words of my favorite cigar guy, “Amigo, cahhh’maaaahhhn.” Translation: This is bullshit.

JetBlue can kiss my ass. Due to the nature of my travel, I don’t always get to choose my airline. When I do get to choose, it will not be JetBlue. I suggest that you adopt a similar policy. JetBlue will fuck you over on a good day and strand you when all else fails.

So, I am back at the resort that I came down here to cover. In all honesty, it could be worse (as my wife reminded me). I am in a top-shelf hotel, and they actually upgraded my room. Now, I have a corner room with a large wraparound deck. There are chairs to accommodate around eight people. So, I am writing, thinking, fuming and smoking a Padron Anniversaro 1926 (natural wrapper, not maduro). I have some writing to do, so I’ll at least be busy this evening. Dinner is en route (a burger, I’m really pretty simple.

The hotel made solving my current situation very easy, and for that, they have my eternal gratitude. I can’t reveal where I am staying on my blog, as the article has yet to be published (hell, I still have to write it). But, if you know me and I deem you trustworthy, give me a shout, and I’ll spill the beans.