Deprived of my aisle seat

Airlines can’t even be nice without screwing up. My wife prefers window seats; I like the aisle. So, if we decide to sit next to each other, one of us suffers—which is the only way to describe a middle seat on an international flight. Generally, we try to sit in the same row, with my wife at the window, me at the aisle and possibly a stranger between us.

Retrospectively, it seems IcelandAir does not approve of this arrangement. When we tried to choose our seats in advance, the airline’s website automatically “upgraded” my aisle seat to a middle seat next to Laura. IcelandAir supports the preservation of the family and does not want to split couples. But, if we reserved seats in separate rows, the computer got the hint. So, one of us was to sit in row 18, the other in 19.

When we checked in at the IcelandAir desk in Helsinki, my wife and I confirmed our seats, telling the clerk that we were quite happy with what we had. I looked forward to a four-hour flight from Helsinki to Reykjavik with room for my legs. Of course, airlines are a cure for happiness, and my luck took a southward turn.

At the gate, the clerk printed slips of paper for my wife and me when scanning our boarding passes. Having noticed that we weren’t sitting together, the computer reshuffled the plane. My wife and I were moved to row 7, much further forward than rows 18 and 19. But, I knew immediately what this meant. I was relegated to a middle seat. I would lose my legroom.

The fucking Nordic oaf sitting in front of me felt the urge to recline, despite sitting in an exit row and having plenty of space in front of him. I responded by driving my knee into his back and shifting it frequently, causing him to look over his shoulder often … though failing to change his behavior. Meanwhile, the arrangement worked out for my wife. Laura still had a window, and there was no seat in front of her; she could stretch out her legs.

Of the many ways an airline could screw up, this is by far the most creative.

Klaus K Review Available on TripAdvisor

Finally, my review of the Klaus K hotel is available on TripAdvisor.com. Again, I absolutely loved that hotel. The rooms were quite comfortable, and the design was unbeatable. Also, I completely dug the lawn chairs out front where I could write and smoke in piece. One night, I was treated to a small fight between two drunken Finns!

Read the review on TripAdvisor.com >>

Helsinki: The Roads Are Paved with Good Intentions

Helsinki is a progressive city. Much about it transportation does impress me. I have seen few SUVs. Cable cars run through the city, and they seem to be environmentally friendly (at least to the extent possible. Nearly every city has a bike lane. But, whoever planned this combination stopped just short of, well, planning. Good intentions did not translate to effective design.

I am a cyclist … at least I was before some asshole stole my beloved Trek 1000 in mid-town. I hope he crashes and winds up in the hospital (I can’t wish actual death, or even severe injury on anyone, unfortunately). So, I was jazzed to hear that Helsinki is bike-friendly. I ave never been to a city that is. The problem, though, is that the bike paths overlap with the sidewalks, and neither is clearly defined. I almost got clipped by a rider my first day here. Also, unless you ride a mountain bike or hybrid, the bike paths are about as bad as the cobblestone streets.

Trolleys are cool, right? Well, when they travel the roads– the same roads as the cars– it can be interesting. It is possible to see a trolley, bus and car jammed in traffic, while a pedestrian walks straight into a guy on a purple woman’s bike wearing headphones (literally just rode by me).

Yes, it’s the thought that counts. But, where was the thought in this case?

Scavenger Hunt Update

When I left New York, I told my colleagues that I wanted to see a Scandinavian midget. While I have seen several short people (though not many), none actually qualifies as a midget.

Aside from the midget search, the ferry ride to Tallinn is nothing short of dull. The boat is moving along, but I can feel the motion. On six hours of sleep and not enough coffee, it’s not pleasant. But, I’m willing to pay the price to catch a glimpse of something new.

Do you have your papers?

A small misadventure on the way to Estonia …

I did not realize that I’d need my passport to cross into Tallinn. Since I didn’t need it to get from Iceland to Finland– or France to Italy a while back– it was an easy oversight. Well, it won’t be my last flawed assumption, I’m sure.

Much to my chagrin, I had to run back to the hotel to pick up my “papers”. It seems that I could be stopped when I arrive in country (or coming back to Finland). I hope I get stopped [written while on the ferry] and asked my wife to take a picture if it happens.

This is my first trip to a former Soviet republic, and I’m psyched. I can finally get a first-hand look at the world behind the now nonexistent Iron Curtain.

Oh, I made it back to the ferry in time, with my papers. I actually ran part of the way, and it didn’t feel all bad. Nobody checked my passport.

Going to Estonia

I’m planning to catch the 12:30 ferry to Tallinn, Estonia. I have no idea what I’m going to find there, but you can be sure I’ll take plenty of pictures and keep you posted!

Apparently, there are several round-trip ferries every day. Depending on which you choose, the trip can last anywhere from 90 minutes to three hours.

Helsinki Is Like Boston

Not exactly, but in some ways.

Helsinki is a cozy city of a few hundred thousand people. Skyscrapers are noticeably absent, and the people tend to be young. There is a bit of cobblestone, and there are cues that the culture has history. Also, people drive like retards and park on the sidewalk. Trolleys run through the middle of the street, mixed with traffic (though in Boston, they run alongside but segregated).

But, to the locals’ credit, they are unlike Bostonians. Everyone here has been incredibly pleasant, and they have gone out of their ways to make my experience here enjoyable.

Also, Helsinki does not have a larger cousin next door. Boston perpetually lives in the shadow of New York, truly making it a second city. There isn’t much outside Helsinki, so the inferiority complex is noticeably lacking. This is what Boston would be like if (a) it weren’t near New York and (b) if it weren’t inhabited by Bostonians.

Warning: Some Serious Stupidity Follows

You are about to see me at my finest. Laura took these shots of me on Suommenlina. It’s a fortress on an island that dates back to the 15th century.

This fortress has plenty of fortified tunnels, the kinds of places I really liked exploring as a kid. As you would expect, it didn’t take me long to behave like one.

The entry way used to be smaller, so I widened it a bit. To fat people everywhere, you’re welcome.

So, you found me. But, where the hell is Waldo?

My public service: making sure that even non-midgets can get in.

No excuses– here, I’m just acting like an idiot.

This is awesome

We took a taxi home from the party I just had to go to. You know those bumper stickers: “Jesus is my co-pilot” and “I work for a Jewish carpenter”? Well, check out who powers MY taxi!

No bullshit. This is really the car’s model. In basic training, my battle buddy was named “Satan” (last name). He’s a Catholic from Montana. The battery chaplain met him and just started laughing, “How do you pronounce that?!”

My battle buddy became an altar boy at the basic training church services. Pretty funny.

Nothin’ but love for the KlausK Hotel

I have been fucking around with the wireless access in the hopes of getting a signal. For some reason, the hotel’s service provider can’t deliver. But, I’m outside grabbing a stray signal. My thanks to the KlausK staff for helping me find a stray and committing several hours to the effort in general. Nothing short of amazing!