The Crazy Hotel Helix

The Hotel Helix is a pretty crazy place. The logo shows just how goofy the place is trying to be.

Once you go inside this joint, you’ll see why the place drove me fucking nuts. Quite simply, it’s trying to hard. It’s just trying too damned hard to be interesting. And, it’s failing.

 

The curtains are automatic, like an automatic door. You step up to them, and the spread open.

It seemed like a bit much. But, I guess it does add a bit of flair to the place, so, I’ll forgive it.

In general, the lobby tries to be both smooth contemporary and 1960s retro. It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me. The hotel should have chosen one way or the other.

 

The hotel’s bar was even worse than the lobby. It was fucking nuts, as evidenced by the padded walls.

 This hallway was rather tame, but the guestroom floors were not …

 … as you can plainly see below.

 So, here’s the guestroom. The colors were off the charts– way too much to see when you wake up in the morning. But, the beds were quite comfortable.

 The bathroom is around the corner, and they did have decent coffee available. Here’s what blew my mind. The coffee smelled terrible but tasted fine. I’m not sure I understand how that can happen, but it did.

 This is what passes for a closet …

 … holding exactly the sort of bathrobes you’d expect ot find here. But, they were comfortable.

 And, here’s the bathroom. There’s only a shower stall (not a bathtub). But, it worked well. 

Headed Back to DC

I’m back in our nation’s capital, after only a few months. I went down in early May to interview Adam & Eve founder Phil Harvey—it was part of my ongoing effort to finish a Doctor of Business Administration degree. This time, the trip is purely recreational. I’m going to check out the pandas at the National Zoo, check out a new hotel and grab a few decent dinners. After the recent grind at day job, it’s nice to get away for a few days.

 

The Delta Shuttle has been … well … about as good as it can be. We were late getting out of LaGuardia—big surprise. But, we’re in the air as I type this, and everything seems to be running smoothly. The snack service has been surprisingly good. Pepperidge Farm must have paid a fortune for the privilege. Honestly, even the coffee’s not bad.

 

Maybe it’s just the Delta Shuttle to Boston that sucks. Hey, consider where it lands.

 

I used to go to Boston a few times a year for short getaways like this, but I’ve grown tired of that dump. I learned growing up there that the people are assholes with little on their minds aside from baseball (which bores me to fucking tears). Finally, I’ve decided that that second city won’t be on my itinerary for a while. For me, DC is the new Boston.

 

Last time, I stayed at two Hiltons (great deals on Hotwire.com). We’ve put Hotwire to work again for this trip—the Hotel Helix will be home for two nights. I’ll let you know how it goes. For now, check out my reviews of Hilton Washington and Capital Hilton on TripAdvisor.

 

Read about the Hilton Washington on TripAdvisor>>

 

Read about the Capital Hilton on TripAdvisor>>

 

Check out my hotel in Hollywood, FL

I wasn’t looking forward to Hollywood, FL. But, I have to admit, the hotel, the Westin Diplomat, is excellent. Not only do they have bathrobes here, but the room itself is amazing. It is quite large, and there is a bathroom area (not including the toilet) that opens into the bedroom. The bathtub is almost impressive. I haven’t been onto the balcony yet. It’s on the 30th floor and has a great few, but I can get the view without stepping onto it. I’m not crazy about heights, so I’ll pass on putting my life at risk.

I suspect this place will get a good review from me on TripAdvisor, but I’m not planning to say anything nice about the restaurant. The food was decent, but the service was absolutely awful. It took forever for someone to take my order. Much later, when they realized how pissed I was, the service improved, but the waiter seemed to be overcomensating.

On Assignment Somewhere in Florida

I’m in Florida on business, researching a story for my travel column on TraderDaily. Yes, just a reminder, it will be live on Monday. Since I plan to use the material from this trip, I can’t say too much on my blog. After all, I have to feed the people that pay me. But, I can give you a sense of where I am staying. First, the property is gorgeous. It’s dark outside, and I can still tell that it’s amazing. Luxury seeps out of the walls. Right now, I’m smoking a cigar on my private balcony and blogging away. No complaints … except that I can’t smoke in the air conditioned room. Florida is hot as hell, and not just by my standards. It’s almost midnight, and I’m sweating a little. But, the decent breeze offsets it.

There was a nice gift waiting for me when I arrived. I love that. For some reason, I’m treated like a king, just because I’m a travel writer. Well, I can tell you that I was treated like a king until they found out who I am. So, I’m even more impressed. Top-shelf is the standard here.

This is funny, because when I travel on my own dime, I tend to go low rent. Not only does it add character to the trip, it does help stretch things out a bit. Laura and I went to Paris about a year ago. For the business portion of my trip, I stayed at the Westin at Place Vendome. For the vacation part of the trip, I was at a small dump on Montmartre (where my wife joined me). I love excitement and adventure, but I have to admit, I could develop a taste for luxury.

It’s hard to believe that I was in Florida on assignment almost nine years ago. Back then, I was a software consultant in the hospitality industry. I was on the road at least four weeks out of every five. The pay was shitty, but the lifestyle did have its moments. On one jaunt to Florida, I was on site with a friend and colleage (who shall remain nameless– he’s a family man now). We shared the sentiment that the value of the property declined every minute we were there. Yeah, the place where I find myself now is even nicer than that one. It’s truly amazing.

I was given a gift upon check-in. Actually, it was left in my room. I absolutely love that. Being treated well is always a treat. But, what I really love about this place is that I was treated well before they found out who I am. For these guys, upscale and care are de rigeur. I did carry my own bags, though. I’m weird like that. I like to carry my own bags. I’m not crazy about being served.

Back in those hotel consulting days, I used to take a town car to the airport just about every week. I lived in a suburb of Boston at the time and used the same car service every Sunday afternoon and every Friday evening. I wound up getting the same driver a lot. Nice kid. I insisted on carrying my own bags. He begged me to stop. I replied, “Nah, I’m not like that.” His retort: “Yeah, but it’s my job.” Fair enough. I was fucking up is ability to earn a living, so I let him carry my bags. But, he’s among the few.

Klaus K Review Available on TripAdvisor

Finally, my review of the Klaus K hotel is available on TripAdvisor.com. Again, I absolutely loved that hotel. The rooms were quite comfortable, and the design was unbeatable. Also, I completely dug the lawn chairs out front where I could write and smoke in piece. One night, I was treated to a small fight between two drunken Finns!

Read the review on TripAdvisor.com >>

Shots of Suommenlinna

Just a heads up, TripAdvisor has finally approved my review of the CenterHotels Arnarhvoll in Reykjavik. Check it out >>

Nothin’ but love for the KlausK Hotel

I have been fucking around with the wireless access in the hopes of getting a signal. For some reason, the hotel’s service provider can’t deliver. But, I’m outside grabbing a stray signal. My thanks to the KlausK staff for helping me find a stray and committing several hours to the effort in general. Nothing short of amazing!